Monday, December 31, 2012

Goodbye 2012, you’ve been kind of a bitch….

On the last morning of the year, I sit quietly in my living room with my husband who is my best friend, as I hear our kids and their friends roaring from the top floor of the house, down the stairs, through the living room where I sit, and into the dining room, the den, and the basement. They are all over the house and fill it with the beautiful noise of children, living their carefree happy lives. This sound fills me with happiness.

This year has been rough for me. We had a falling out with a friend who was also a band member and ultimately decided to move on with our lives without him so as to minimize drama and confusion. This was partially due to stress from the fact that my ex-husband decided to move out of the state and take my 12 year old son to live with him which I fought with every bone in my body and every dollar in my bank account but ultimately lost. I have started at a new University, and although I’m doing extremely well, the work is hard and it consumes time that I could be spending with my husband and my boys. My mother has been ailing in health all year, her arthritis and knee problems left her almost unable to walk. Anticipating knee surgery, we had all been assured by my mother and her doctors that getting a new knee would solve a lot of problems. This has unfortunately not been the case and since she had the surgery on November 17, 2012 she has not been able to recover properly and has been in and out of the hospital 4 times since then and I’ve had to spend a lot of time helping her, not to mention that I’m worried and I don’t understand what is wrong with her. As I type this, she is in the hospital, my brother having called an ambulance to pick her up and take her to the hospital because she was not able to use her arms to get herself out of bed this morning.

My wishes for 2013 are simple (I think) and not too much to ask. I will do everything in my power to make them come to fruition. I like to work hard though, so I don’t really mind.

  • I wish to be healthy in my mind and my body. I don’t want to let disappointment or regret get in the way of my sanity, my mood or my overall well-being.
  • I wish to have more tolerance for my ex-husband and get to a place where I accept the things the way they are and be the best that I can be in the situation.
  • I wish for my mom’s health and ability to take care of herself.
  • I wish to be a better mother, wife and friend to all those that I love as well as the new people that I meet.
  • I wish to be open to and seize every opportunity that comes that sounds interesting and fruitful.
  • I wish to have fun and have a light heart, even in heavy times.
  • I wish to take the time to help other people who are in need.
  • I hope that my husband can find a job in Norway!
Even though 2012 was rough, it wasn’t all horrible. I have the best husband and boys in the world and they light up my world. I have a good job and I did really well in school. My music continues to grow and flourish on my own terms. I have great friends, and much to be thankful for as well. I know that there are a lot of people who have more heartache, disappointment, and loss as well as those who are homeless, hungry, and broken. In perspective, it seems trivial to bitch about my trials and tribulations, but it’s what I have and it’s what I know. I’m going to make it better though, and hopefully everyone else out there will find some peace and happiness in 2013. May it be the best year yet.

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